Who Are You Behind Closed Doors?
Sometimes I can be cranky… especially when my husband parents differently than I do. For example, I like an early bedtime and lately my husband has been allowing the children to stay up late… too late for mommy’s patience! lol! And when I get cranky… I get critical…
It’s easy for me to slip into the role of teacher and judge to my poor husband. I think as wives, we see our husbands faults and point them out – but does taking that role ever bring a woman marital bliss? Nope!
We know that when our husbands fell in love with us it was NOT because we were wonderful teachers and judges…
They married us because they loved the sparkle in our eye when we smiled at them.
They loved how we made them feel.
They loved how we respected their thoughts and wanted to hear and understand them.
They loved how we embraced their dreams of the future and were so trusting and loyal and how we overlooked their short comings.
Then they married us – and well – Proverbs 19:13 says “a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”
Do you catch yourself maybe not criticizing your husband out loud but thinking critical thoughts in your heart – maybe he comes home late from work one night and you’re annoyed that dinner is cold. Then he does it again. Then he does it again and suddenly you boil over with anger and an abundance of bitterness comes out. Yea – I’ve been there!
Luke 6:45 says “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.“
What if in the dinner situation, we thought how blessed we are to have such a hard working husband who brings a pay check home so we can have a warm home, food on the table and a bright future for the children? There are women who are all alone at dinner time with no husband to be expected. They are living pay check to pay check and worried about their children’s future. If we thought this way – when our husband walked through the door he’d be greeted with a warm hug (and maybe a big ol’ wet kiss) rather than the cold shoulder.
Who we are at home, behind closed doors, is who we really are.
Do our husbands come home to a quarrelsome wife or a wife who has a sparkle in her smile when she looks at him?
Do our husbands feel judged by us or do they love the way we make them feel?
Now you may say – “but Courtney – you don’t know the awful things my husband does!”
I don’t – you are correct – but I do know that God’s word says to not be quarrelsome and to store up good things in our hearts – it’s important we follow God’s principles in marriage.
Sometimes, we need to have a talk with our husbands to air or resolve issues . But other times we need to choose to overlook their flaws and look at our own. The reality is – I can be a critical and cranky wife at times and that is not okay. We need to resolve our own heart issues and choose to have joy because joy does not come from our husbands but from God.
Walk with the King!
Women Living Well
Courtney appeared on Rachael Ray as 50’s Housewife. She homeschools her two children, has a degree from Moody Bible Institute, and blogs on faith, strong marriages, parenting and homemaking. Courtney is the author of Women Living Well: Finding Your Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids and Your Home.
Purchase her book between now and December 9th, and you’ll receive the free eBook, The Reason For the Season. Visit her blog for details.
Amen, completely agree! Beautiful post!
Thanks for this reminder Courtney! I can be “brutally honest” with my husband, but being a Brute does not get me the outcome I desire!
The Lord continually challenges me with this question, “Would you speak this way to your closest girlfriend?” and usually the reply is “No!” So Gods challenge to me is this: “Don’t speak this way to the love of your life”
A gentle rebuke turns me toward a kinder reply. A kind answer turns away wrath.
Thanks for this!!! This is something I needed reminded of…especially as far as parenting goes. My husband is a disciplarian and I think sometimes the punishmnet doesn’t equal the crime so to speak. I think he goes overboard and I try to “correct” him (sometimes in front of our child) and I realize that that makes him look bad in the eyes of our daughter. 🙁 I need to just speak with him and address my concerns and pray that God can soften his tone 🙂
Really encouraging article. I have my slip ups but I am forging ahead. Keeping a positive attitude. Thanks Courtney Joseph!
This past year, I went on a retreat called Via De Cristo. And we have this Pilgrim guide and in this guide there is an “Examination of conscious” And one of the things it says is ” Are you with me-or against me? At work-in your profession-at recreation-have you been my disciple? would you have been proud to have me accompany you through the day?” And if you think about it, he has been,he is always with us. It is very eye opening,Whether we are behind closed doors or not, we are his disciples, not only with our husbands, but with our children and others around us. Just wanted to say, I Agree with everything you said. Thank you for sharing-
God Loves you and so do I!
WOW, so well written and so much truth. I struggle with being a cranky and critical wife. Thank you for sharing.
Oh my goodness, this is so true! I used to be that wife; the one who thought all those negative thoughts about my husband… until I realized (through reading God’s Word and through the godly women He placed around me) what I was doing to my man. Poor guy!
Now, I try to place myself in his shoes. I ask myself, “What if I had to go into town and work among people who were a constant affront to everything my husband believes?” “What if I had just had a bad day at the office and wanted to come home and relax with my family over dinner and play with the kids to unwind; hoping someone would think or say something nice to me?”
Turning the tables with regard to what we think about our husbands really helps us see how they feel, AND what they need from us – namely a joyful home and heart, a healthy meal served in a warm atmosphere, and lots of laughter and encouragement to fill him up before he ends a hard day and has to face another one…. for OUR sakes!
Bless their hearts, they just need a little love. It’s the least we could do to bless them with it.
Thank you. Sometimes we as women need to be called out on our short coming in order to see them. I hope this opens a lot of eyes, it opened mine. Stay Blessed.
Is it wrong that Courtney’s admission to being a critical and cranky wife at times encourages me that I am not alone? Lol Yet, the words of God she reminds us of encourages me even more to apply them to my own heart and allow them to change and purify me from the inside out. There are days, as wives, I know are more challenging than others, but all the more reason why we must cling to God’s word everyday. Thank you, Courtney for being such a real and honest inspiration and encouragement to all of us wives and mamas! God bless you and the heart of your ministry!
Courtney, I love this!! It is so easy to save my best smile, my most gracious comments, and my enthusiasm for friends and strangers — we only see our them from time to time to it is easy to do. But at home, for our husband and kids, this is the place to *really* cultivate joy, tenderheartedness, thankfulness and kindness into our character so that it isn’t a facade anymore, but becomes who we really are. 🙂 Thank you for the exhortation! Blessings to you.
Beautiful post Courtney. I need this reminder often- especially as my expectations about Christmas differs from him, or there is a lack of communication! I am often convicted about giving my best to everyone else (including the kids) and not often to him. Thanks for your truth in love!
What a wonderful post! My husband and I have only been married a month now, but this is just an amazing reminder even now to see the positive in things rather than the negative. He is a fireman and in one of the small groups I’m in, I said something about how it really stinks that he’s gone for 24 hours and one of the amazing women taught me the power of thinking positively when she reminded me that even though he was gone for 24 solid hours he was also home a solid 48 hours, which would be fantastic when we had children.